The author reflects on the emotional turmoil of growing up in Venezuela and the impact of seasonal changes on their mental health. As they navigate life in Bosnia, they draw parallels between personal and political uncertainties. The struggle with hope amidst despair reveals deeper connections to their Venezuelan identity and the relentless pursuit of a brighter future.
Growing up in north-central Venezuela, I had a limited understanding of cold, with temperatures as low as 15 degrees Celsius causing discomfort. My experience with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) began in Bosnia and Herzegovina, where the transition from vibrant summer to grim, gray winter baffled me. This stark contrast reminded me of how weather can alter lives dramatically, highlighting a sense of uncertainty that was absent in my Venezuelan childhood.
Despite not struggling with SAD during my youth, I dealt with uncertainties in Venezuela, which profoundly shaped my life. I fondly remember Christmas gatherings filled with family, contrasting sharply with the heart-wrenching moment I faced when loved ones left for distant horizons, leaving a palpable sense of loss. Living in a state of uncertainty is bearable to an extent, but knowing that circumstances may deteriorate is profoundly challenging.
Upon relocating to Bosnia in 2023, I hoped to heal from the emotional scars of my Venezuelan background. However, I soon realized that Bosnia also grapples with its social and political turmoil. My surroundings were reminiscent of Venezuela, with divisions manifesting in visible scars from historical conflicts, such as bullet holes in city walls, reflecting a complex political landscape filled with tensions and hostilities.
The significance of January 10 in Venezuela became a stark reminder of my homeland’s ongoing struggles. On that day, we were to swear in a new president who had won the elections, yet this did not occur, reigniting despair among the Venezuelan populace. My insomnia that night stemmed not from SAD but from the weight of collective disappointment and shattered hopes.
Despite the pain, I found it hard to detach from my Venezuelan identity and the hope for political change. On social media, I connected with family and friends, clinging to a fleeting sense of optimism about the political climate. This seasonal cycle of hope that often leads to disappointment mimics the effects of SAD, keeping me in a state of emotional flux.
Every season of hope presents itself differently; some bring anticipation through rumors or political actions. This variance increases my resolve to believe in a better future for Venezuela, regardless of past failures. Such hope, while dangerous, is an irresistible force that prepares me for a day when my expectations could align with reality.
In preparation for potential change, I parallel my approach to seasonal shifts—equipping myself for winter while anticipating a brighter future for my country. The hope for a resolution in Venezuela compels me to seek every opportunity to contribute, mirroring the instinct to brace for the future. Just as winter is transient, I hold onto the belief that our season of hope will emerge.
This article reflects the personal narrative of an individual experiencing seasonal changes while grappling with the deep emotional scars of their homeland, Venezuela. As the author navigates life in Bosnia and Herzegovina, they draw parallels between their own uncertainties and the socio-political turmoil present in both countries. The juxtaposition of seasonal affective disorder with the chronic uncertainty experienced in Venezuela elucidates the complexities of identity and hope in transitional circumstances.
The author articulates a profound struggle with hope amid despair, drawing parallels between seasonal changes and the political climate in Venezuela. Their experiences highlight the weight of emotional uncertainty associated with both weather and homeland turmoil. Ultimately, despite the challenges, there remains a persistent belief in the eventual resolution of their homeland’s crisis, echoing a universal longing for better days ahead.
Original Source: globalvoices.org
